Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're listening to the fostering together podcast. Tracy and I were recently interviewed on the Love Conquers podcast, where we shared even more of our story about fostering together and the wonderful humans we get to build relationships with along the way. We want to share this interview with you today. There might be a swear word or two, as well as a fantastic conversation with our friends and podcast hosts, Kaz and Matt Page. We hope you enjoy the conversation.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: At Love Conquers. We'd like to mention that this podcast is purely for information and entertainment value. It is not a substitute for proper professional intervention. If you're struggling or someone you know is struggling, please contact your local health professional. Alternatively, you can contact lifeline on 13 11, 14. Stay safe.
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the Love Conquers podcast, the podcast where you get your weekly dose of, jeez, where do all these fucking kids come from? I wish somebody knew what to do with them all.
[00:01:23] Speaker C: You keep having them.
Where did that one come from, maestro?
[00:01:29] Speaker B: I figured it's probably relevant to the topic today.
[00:01:32] Speaker C: Oh, what is that?
[00:01:33] Speaker B: You tell me.
[00:01:34] Speaker C: No, you do it. You're in control.
[00:01:36] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: You're gonna play these games.
[00:01:38] Speaker C: Yeah. Instead of doing it. I told you.
[00:01:39] Speaker B: She's the worst with segways. She's like, oh, nah, I'm gonna drop you up.
[00:01:42] Speaker C: Yeah, today you're in it.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: So today we've got some special guests here. Do you want to introduce that?
[00:01:48] Speaker C: You go right ahead. No, it's all yours now.
[00:01:50] Speaker B: Okay, well, I'll hand it over.
[00:01:51] Speaker A: We've burnt the toast, Matt.
[00:01:55] Speaker C: I want to see how he goes now. He's got to do my job.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: So we've got two friends with us today who are heavily. Okay, well, heavily, I'd say they're definitely invested in the foster.
[00:02:08] Speaker C: What do you call it? Is it the foster system?
[00:02:12] Speaker A: Out of home sector or out of home care sector? Ooh, see, out of home care. O h. O o h c. Out of home care sector, but generally known as foster care.
[00:02:24] Speaker C: Okay. So welcome, Brendan and Tracy. Thank you for joining us.
[00:02:32] Speaker A: It's a pleasure. Thank you for having us.
[00:02:34] Speaker C: So, how long have I known you?
[00:02:36] Speaker A: Me?
[00:02:36] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:02:37] Speaker A: Well, I'm terrible with dates.
[00:02:40] Speaker C: I think it was about 20. It would have been 2020 when we came back from overseas.
[00:02:45] Speaker A: Yeah, just before. Maybe even just before COVID Did you bring Covid back from overseas?
[00:02:51] Speaker C: Potentially.
Let's move on from that.
[00:02:55] Speaker B: We flew back from the States via Wuhan.
[00:02:57] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we did not.
Oh, God.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: It's more. I remember more moments, like, I remember when I was with Mark, and we're actually at the.
At a business in West Gosford. And you come in, I think you were going to do some recording around the audiobook or something like that, or I think you were meeting Mark about sort of the book and what was happening and everything. So that was it. So I sort of remember the first moment seeing you as opposed to the date, which is weird, but.
[00:03:24] Speaker C: And it was all around the launch of my broken soldier for the book that we wrote and got out there and made public. And, you know, we have hung out extensively since then and interacted over a lot of things and gotten to know each other on a friend base level. And I just. I want to put it out there. So we're going to get you guys to introduce yourself to us and to everyone listening. But the reason why I wanted to do today and why it's important to me is because Matt and I have three daughters at home, as you both know. Right. And they're getting to that age where we can almost taste a little bit of freedom and we can start to kind of get out and do some things on our own. And we're getting really excited about that. And you guys are there, too. And then you decided to take this great leap of faith and become foster parents. And I really want to deep dive into that because firstly, I think it's amazing, and hats off to you both, but I'd really like to get an understanding of what drove you to that as well and learn more about the sector itself as well, and get a bit of an understanding on the process and how it all works. So we'll start.
[00:04:34] Speaker A: Well, I can make it a really short episode. We just got sick of each other's company. Oh, nice. Let's bring someone else into the house.
Tracy calls me a short dose sort of person.
[00:04:48] Speaker C: I'm stealing that. I like that a lot.
[00:04:51] Speaker A: Don't use it against me.
[00:04:55] Speaker C: That's very cool. I'm keeping that. Hang on, let me write that down.
[00:04:58] Speaker D: I got to take notes.
[00:04:59] Speaker A: You're recording this anyway.
[00:05:00] Speaker C: You'll get the transcript. I got to make a transcript at the end.
Okay, so let's start. Introduce yourself to it. How long have you guys been together? How did you get to know each other? How did it all begin?
[00:05:12] Speaker D: So we've been together. We met in the UK 1998. Eight.
We met on a haggis tour in Scotland.
It's not good.
[00:05:28] Speaker C: No, it's not good.
[00:05:29] Speaker D: But the tour is excellent and so is Scotland.
[00:05:32] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah. I do love Scotland. Have been beautiful. Yep.
[00:05:35] Speaker D: And Brendan and I were really the two that were in the office, so on email, because obviously it wasn't a huge thing back in 98, and so my group of friends and his group of friends, we got on. On the tour and we wanted to hang out. We all lived in London, and so we did all the organizing together, and we just. It was just loads of emails going back and forth, I think.
[00:06:00] Speaker A: Yeah, pretty much.
[00:06:01] Speaker D: You asked me out on one of them.
[00:06:03] Speaker A: I did.
Do you want my version of events now?
[00:06:06] Speaker D: Yeah, it was in an email. That's so cute.
[00:06:09] Speaker A: Yeah, it wasn't an email, but, yeah, we. It was. It was really weird, actually, because, like Tracy said, that's. That's absolutely right. But good. It was sort of. It was actually. It was interesting because it was almost like it. I mean, I enjoyed the work that I was doing back then, but it was almost a good reason to go into work because literally the first thing I did when I went into work was email Tracy about, like, what had happened literally, the night before.
[00:06:38] Speaker C: So you were here in Australia?
[00:06:39] Speaker A: No, no, I was in the UK.
I lived in south west London. Tracy lived in north London. And like she said, we just, you know, we were pretty much the only people in our friendship groups that are on email regularly for our work because it wasn't that popular back then. And so we'd communicate with each other and we'd arrange things, and then it just sort of turned into, you know, it was almost like pen friends from one corner of London to the other.
And that's. Yeah. And actually, we went. I think we went out, first of all, on a. I thought there was a night that we'd went out or something, and we'd got. We didn't get together or something, but I guess just there some.
[00:07:14] Speaker D: It's your birthday, maybe, so it all.
[00:07:17] Speaker A: Gets a bit hazy.
[00:07:18] Speaker D: It starts out, and then you and your friends stayed over at my house.
[00:07:22] Speaker A: Oh, that's right. That's right. And I think they were upstairs thinking, why are these guys in our home?
[00:07:29] Speaker D: Let's say we're going to Hyde park, and then they've got to leave the house. And Brendan's like, I'll go with you. We're like, crap. Now we've got to go to Hyde park.
So we actually went to Hyde park.
[00:07:40] Speaker C: Nice.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: I've learned to take social cues a.
[00:07:42] Speaker D: Lot better right out.
[00:07:44] Speaker A: I know you have problems with social cues, too.
[00:07:46] Speaker C: I really do, but I still do.
[00:07:48] Speaker A: Don't come to me for training, all right?
[00:07:51] Speaker C: I'm learning things now. There's a whole lot more. I'm learning about you right now.
[00:07:55] Speaker A: My recollection of that day was fantastic. It was a beautiful day, lots of fun. Hyde park was. It was beautiful weather and everything like that. Little did I know that they were there the whole time thinking, how the hell do we get rid of him?
[00:08:08] Speaker C: You're falling in love, and she's trying to run away.
[00:08:10] Speaker A: Yes. Something like that. Something like that. So, um. And here we are today.
[00:08:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Like, it's been a awesome. It's been a hell of a journey, and, you know, it. It's. Our first child was. Was not planned, but big believer in things happen for a reason. And, you know, we. We. Seriously. Sorry, I shouldn't say seriously. We were young people. We were 24 years of age. And, you know, are we gonna. We weren't. We'd never talked about staying. We hadn't even talked about coming back to Australia with me or anything. Oh, we had.
[00:08:40] Speaker D: Okay, that was on. That was on. That was in motion. I was calling for the year visa.
[00:08:46] Speaker A: Okay. Sorry.
[00:08:47] Speaker D: And thank goodness that happened.
[00:08:49] Speaker A: Yeah. So some things were happening, but, you know. Yeah, I guess it just. This. It happened. And, you know, Tracy shared the news with me, and from what I. From what she remembers, the first words that I said to her was, oh, shit.
[00:09:04] Speaker D: Yeah, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
[00:09:07] Speaker A: So multiple times. So that probably didn't make her feel that great about the whole situation. But look, we work through it as young people and, yeah, I mean, we've had difficult times in our relationship. Like anybody, we've worked through some things, and that's been, you know, made us stronger. And getting back to the point about fostering, I mean, I personally believe that, you know, fostering is another level of deepening our relationships, sort of where we're having this parenting, what we consider a fantastic parenting experiences again. And.
[00:09:36] Speaker C: Hang on, hang on, hang on. Let's go back a step, though. So you're in love, you get married, you have kids, and your eldest now is 24. 24. Okay. So you've gone 24 years through this relationship, raising children, taking them through school, doing all the things that we all know and tribulations that come with parenting. Right? And, you know, there are parts of parenting, and I don't think Matt will disagree with me here, where some days you just get to the point where you just go, seriously, what the fuck?
[00:10:06] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:10:07] Speaker C: What made me choose to do this? This is a hard day. Like, can they just stop coming at you?
[00:10:12] Speaker A: Yes. I've never felt like that.
[00:10:16] Speaker B: And this is the only man. So I guess conversation's over there.
[00:10:22] Speaker D: I'm falling full.
[00:10:24] Speaker A: All right, I might have just a couple of times.
[00:10:27] Speaker C: What does that candle say? Yeah. Smells like bullshit to me.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: You better move that closer to me.
[00:10:33] Speaker C: I'm gonna put that right in front of you.
[00:10:35] Speaker A: Sorry.
[00:10:35] Speaker C: Okay, so we know that there's hard times through it, right? So through the normal, just day to day living and setting goals and all the rest of it. Did you guys in that 25 year period ever toss around the idea of, hey, when the kids grow up and look like they're about to leave home? Let's start again with fostering?
[00:10:53] Speaker D: I don't think we did because it was something I had thought about. So it's something I tossed up over all those years.
[00:11:00] Speaker C: Right? Silently.
[00:11:01] Speaker D: Silently.
[00:11:02] Speaker C: Why silently?
[00:11:04] Speaker D: Because I really don't come forward with things unless I'm ready.
[00:11:07] Speaker C: Okay. Yep.
[00:11:08] Speaker D: Like, when I'm ready.
[00:11:09] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:11:10] Speaker D: That's when I'll come forward with it. I'll toss it over and over. And I've wanted to do it since I was 16 and.
[00:11:18] Speaker C: Wow, this really is a lifelong goal for you. Yeah.
[00:11:21] Speaker D: Okay.
[00:11:22] Speaker A: I consider that a slow learner when you're tossing something around for 20 years, 25 years, what do I know?
[00:11:28] Speaker C: Well, I'll stick with life goal.
[00:11:31] Speaker D: Yeah, that's, that's good.
So it, like you said, we had our own family and it had to be the right time. And our son had a few issues with anxiety and things we had to deal with as a family. And when we moved to the coast, I looked into it and he would have been about eleven.
[00:11:54] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:11:55] Speaker D: That's when I first got in contact with our agency and. But then he sort of ramped up on some things that he needed and I was like, I just, we just need to concentrate on our family and get it right.
And then, I mean, I would forget about it over the years as much as I would think about it. There could be a couple of years ago, passed away, I wouldn't think about it. And it wasn't until I was at work in Sydney. And I hated it. Absolutely hated it. And Brendan had started his business.
He had this passion for that. And you kind of sit down, you think, what's my passion? What do I want? And it just came into my head. You just let things. Sorry, let things flow.
[00:12:40] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:12:41] Speaker D: And that's what came into my head. That's. That's what I thought about.
[00:12:45] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:12:45] Speaker D: And I was like, here's what I wanted to do. So I started tentatively look into it. Is it something we could do? Is something we could afford to do? And I saw that there was an open evening the next month in Gosford.
[00:12:58] Speaker C: So how long ago was this?
[00:13:00] Speaker D: 19. 9019.
[00:13:02] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:13:03] Speaker D: Yeah, I think it was.
[00:13:05] Speaker A: When was Covid-19 Covid was 2020.
[00:13:08] Speaker D: Yeah. So it's 1919, the end of 19.
And so I just went home and said to Brendan, and Brendan's usually open to most things, and he was like.
[00:13:20] Speaker C: Oh, so this is the first time you've ever heard of it?
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Pretty much.
[00:13:25] Speaker C: Okay. Yep. Did it catch you off guard at all?
[00:13:29] Speaker A: Not that I remember.
I don't know what your recollection is, but again, I'm willing to look at the most things.
[00:13:36] Speaker D: I had no worries telling you. I knew that you'd probably go along with it.
[00:13:39] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. And I mean, to be fair, like, Tracy had supported me through lots of business. Even when you're talking about raising children, like, we made a deliberate decision as a family. We were very fortunate that I was the one that was working, so. And that involved various travel and all that. So, you know, I was away from home for periods of time. So Tracy was, you know, at some point. Yeah, maybe a little bit like, you were sitting right when Matt's in the army and stuff. So, yeah, we made. And we were very fortunate to have a salary to Lao for that to happen, so.
But, you know, it was. I'm not sure I was thinking this at the time. I'm sure I wasn't. Cause that's not something I think about straight away. But it was like, this is something she really wants to do. So let's have a look. And to be frank, I love children. We've always loved children. If anything, there's some point of we tossed for ages about having a third child, and then it was like, eh, it just gets a bit harder with three. Yeah, exactly. We've got a pigeon hair and all that sort of stuff. And in some respects, you see this opportunity as well. This is our third. This is our fourth, is our fifth. Is that, like, we can just keep going with this and keep hopefully helping families.
[00:14:45] Speaker C: Okay. And so 2019, you start looking at it, you start diving into it.
[00:14:49] Speaker D: So it was just luck that there was this open evening because I know Brendan likes his information, so I was like, well, I could drag him along to that and he can find out more and ask his own questions and learn with me.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: Really nice.
[00:15:03] Speaker D: So we went and he was it straight away.
[00:15:08] Speaker A: Well, the lady that was speaking there was. It was pretty exceptional. She was a carer, and she shared a story about a little girl that she was caring for and had been transitioned to her what was hopefully going to be her forever home, which didn't work out for. I can't remember the reasons, but didn't work out. So the child came back to her and she ended up adopting her. Always going through the process of adoption, and it was just. It was just such an inspiring story. Emotional, sad story for other ways as well. But it was just like, well, you know, we're pretty young. We're pretty vibrant.
[00:15:40] Speaker D: I think that's the main answer to why we decided to do it when we were looking freedom in the eye. I think we still feel quite young.
[00:15:47] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:15:48] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:15:48] Speaker D: Because we had our children early, we still feel like we've got a little bit left in us to do parenting.
[00:15:53] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:15:54] Speaker D: Before we do something else.
[00:15:56] Speaker C: Yep. Fair enough. Yeah.
[00:15:58] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:15:58] Speaker C: And so what else? So that's 2019, but you've only just really started recently. Right. So.
Because you haven't been fostering since 2019, haven't you?
[00:16:07] Speaker A: No, there's a bit of a process.
[00:16:08] Speaker D: Don't go through all the processes and interviews. And, of course, Covid happened.
[00:16:13] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:16:13] Speaker D: Back in the middle. So it stretched our process out quite a bit.
[00:16:17] Speaker A: We did, yeah. We were really. The assessment process probably took a couple of years.
[00:16:21] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:16:22] Speaker A: Which is not normal.
[00:16:23] Speaker D: I could take my months, maybe minimum. Like, it just went on for ages because of COVID So we didn't get licensed until late 2021. I think it was November. It would have been November 21.
[00:16:36] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:16:36] Speaker D: So it's a two year process for us, which it shouldn't be.
[00:16:39] Speaker C: Okay. And what normally should it be? Like nine months?
[00:16:44] Speaker A: It does depend on the agency, and there's a lot of talk in some of the communities that we're involved in. There's lots of talk about process improvement. There's lots of scope for improvement to really compress that timeline. Absolutely. Even nine months is way too long.
Imagine putting a customer, in a business sense, on a Runway of nine months before they get, you know, get where they want to go. Exactly. So, you know, there's a lot of.
[00:17:09] Speaker D: There's a lot to process.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:17:12] Speaker D: Asking the questions to see if you're right, to foster, if you. All of this. There's. There's, you know, you have a lot of interviews that are 3 hours long.
[00:17:19] Speaker C: Wow. And what are they looking for? What is. Why is it so intense?
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Well, I guess from a holistic perspective, the system is very much a risk management system because these children are under the care of the minister. And, you know, you guys know even better than most about the challenges when you're dealing in those political government circles. So that's, that's the thing that overrides everything. And that that means that generally there's bureaucracy on top of bureaucracy on top of all those things that you guys have dealt with as well. Yeah. So that, that makes it very, very challenging.
[00:17:53] Speaker C: Okay. Did you, was there ever a point in that process where you felt like throwing your hands up in the air and going, it's too hard?
[00:17:59] Speaker D: No.
[00:18:00] Speaker C: Do you think people do, is it.
[00:18:03] Speaker A: Like, we don't know the numbers? It's very, it is very difficult to get some of these statistics because they're things that governments don't like to share and they're things that agencies don't necessarily like to share. But, you know, again, we hope that there can be more conversation, like what you guys are given the opportunity for us to do today, so that you can't solve things if you're not willing to talk about stuff and you've got to have some vulnerability and share some things. We've got to get to the root of some of these issues. So, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, the process is the process currently, I was going to say.
[00:18:35] Speaker D: That'S why we're so different. I'm just like, that's the process. I'll just roll with it.
[00:18:40] Speaker A: So Tracy is the very much the quiet achiever in the background. It just sort of makes our family run, makes things happen, pulls me up when I need pulling up, even in the car on the way here. And she said, well, what's your hope? And I share something. She said, I don't think you should do that. That's very, that's very controversial.
Okay.
[00:18:57] Speaker D: And that's like obnoxious.
[00:18:59] Speaker A: All right.
Actually, yes, you did say obnoxious.
[00:19:02] Speaker C: So funny how you change that because.
[00:19:05] Speaker A: And you know what? Probably if she said controversial, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have worried about it. But now she said I'm obnoxious, I probably should worry about it anyway. We'll get to that.
Look, the process is the process. There's opportunity for improvement in it. I like Tracy says to me, I'm not about, I sort of want to change the world, but I want to, you know, this is something I've developed a huge passion about. Tracy's been passionate in her own way, and she does things in a different way to me. But I feel like I've got an opportunity through some of my own platforms that we've got. And our platform together with fostering together is just to create something.
[00:19:42] Speaker C: Slow down about that. Say that again, because that is a podcast that you guys have actually started now. Isn't it called?
[00:19:47] Speaker A: It is called fostering together because Tracy and I are fostering together.
[00:19:52] Speaker D: I'm not doing it.
[00:19:54] Speaker C: I did it for you. It's okay. I got you back, homey. You're good.
[00:19:57] Speaker A: I do that. The fist pump in the background.
She's warming to the idea.
[00:20:04] Speaker C: Have you heard any of our intros yet?
You'll get used to it. It's a thing for the boys.
[00:20:12] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:20:13] Speaker A: I have to have thick skin in our family.
It's not Tracy. It's one of the kids taking a piss out of me. Dad's annoying me again. And, like, I'm not sure you should have me on a relationship podcast.
[00:20:26] Speaker C: I think it's just perfect.
[00:20:28] Speaker A: I'm the epitome of a splinter in a relationship.
[00:20:33] Speaker C: So let's fast forward. You get approved.
[00:20:36] Speaker A: You keep telling me to slow down.
Honestly, how do you deal with this woman?
[00:20:43] Speaker C: He just shuts up.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Slowly, then fastly, then slowly.
[00:20:47] Speaker A: Help me, Matt. Help me.
[00:20:49] Speaker C: Whoa.
Okay, so you go through the process and you get your license and they tell you you're on. Is there. Through the process. Are you nominating? Are you just discussing what children, what age, what, you know, boy, girl, what kind of problems or anything like that? Like, break that down a bit for us.
[00:21:10] Speaker D: What does that look like? Boy girls so much, but age.
[00:21:14] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:21:14] Speaker D: So we wanted to do zero to five. We have that. We still got our son and daughter living in our house. We want to protect them.
So we're younger children.
We just how they are.
It just would fit with our family. Yep.
[00:21:32] Speaker C: Gotcha.
[00:21:32] Speaker D: So it's not that we would do older children maybe when it was just us two together. Yeah. But at the moment, when they're in the house, younger children suits our dynamic.
[00:21:40] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:21:41] Speaker D: So we did decide sort of the naught to five.
[00:21:44] Speaker C: Okay. Yep.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: And this has been a family decision the whole way through, so our kids were involved very much in this.
[00:21:49] Speaker C: Okay. So they're all on board and real happy with it. Any reservations at all?
[00:21:53] Speaker D: Now, our son came to the open evening with us. Our daughter would have come, but she was working, but they were excited to do it.
[00:22:00] Speaker C: Awesome.
[00:22:00] Speaker D: Yeah, right.
[00:22:01] Speaker A: We wouldn't have done it if they weren't on board. That was one of the closers.
[00:22:05] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:22:05] Speaker A: Sorry, doc.
[00:22:07] Speaker D: Completely forgotten where I was.
[00:22:09] Speaker C: The criteria. So is there. How do you.
[00:22:11] Speaker D: Oh, the criteria. Yep. So, yeah, it really was like when you're new, you don't know about the trauma and they tell you about it.
[00:22:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:22:20] Speaker D: Until you experience it.
[00:22:21] Speaker C: Yep. You don't is there support set up for that? Like before you actually get your first child into the home with you? Is there things that they take you through? Like, you know, when you're doing stuff with kids that you've got to do a first aid course and you've got to do these kind of things and that kind of stuff, is there those kind of requirements as well?
[00:22:40] Speaker D: I mean, through your interviews, they talk a lot about it. You do a two day course where you do, you know, you show the videos, they try and prepare you as much as possible. Yeah. Anything above that. I think you search for free stuff. I mean, there are websites and things that you could go to and do training and.
[00:23:00] Speaker C: Okay, so they are giving you tools as such to help you.
[00:23:03] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:23:04] Speaker C: But it's really reliant on you kind of taking the chance.
[00:23:08] Speaker A: It is a bit about, I mean, there's so much information out there and actually again, every day we find more. More sites or new bits. So the challenge is it's like a lot of things, there's so much information out there, but it's very difficult to bring this into a collated format that a portal even that says, you know, this is the best of the best and this is your go to and there's some hope for the future there. But the whole process, I guess, and this is where I get a little bit on my high horse to some extent, that the level of requirement around being a carer and even if you wanted to become an adoptee, adoptive person, like the standard that you have to meet is very high.
[00:23:48] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:23:48] Speaker A: So that, you know, there's character and, and there's financial and there's all this sort of stuff that they're, they're investigating about you and having interviews and even the support network that you've got as a family, it takes a village to raise a raise, all that sort of stuff. So it's really high. But the real problem, and there are reasons for this, but the problem in the system is that there's so many children out there that are living in what the system says is good enough. Yeah, and our good enough is not good enough.
Like, sorry, the good enough that they're in is not our good enough. Like, it is not good enough for the. But you know, there's these people in the front line, you know, the DCJ workers and stuff, like they're making calls on this and, you know, you wouldn't like to be in that position. These people are choosing to be in this position and seeing the worst of the worst. But you know, so it's really got to be a quite a bad situation for a child to be taken from care. If it's good enough, it's good enough. But then you've got all these people, you know, in this, in society. Again, I don't know the numbers, so I'm making broad statements. But you know, that have real challenges having children or can't have children. You guys have been through your own challenges as well. So, you know, there's so many people that want to give some love and then you got all these kids potentially in, in harm's way, in unsafe places and then there's a whole heap of other kids that are on sort of watch list, let's say. And again, I can't remember the numbers exactly, but it's, it's thousands that the government services can't even get to to investigate what those problems. There's just not enough help, there's not enough resource within the system. And I'm not sitting here and saying you just got to chuck more money on it. I'm not that I come from a business background. Money helps, but there's lots of efficiencies to be had in a system like that. But you know, also like where do you start? Well, we believe you start with carers. If we can get a message out there and we can get people at least interested in some of this stuff and go to information nights or whatever, then there's a start.
[00:25:39] Speaker C: And are there lots of information nights happening? Like you mentioned that it just happened that that month there happened to be one. Are these things really common? Are they regular or is it just ad hoc? Almost.
[00:25:50] Speaker D: I think they happen each year.
[00:25:52] Speaker C: Yearly?
[00:25:53] Speaker D: Yeah, I'm not sure. I mean we just had that one and we went to it. So I never really had to go back.
[00:25:59] Speaker A: I doubt if once again, it's really dependent on the agency. So, you know, when I say the agency, you've got your NGO's, your non government organizations, which is sort of that, that extension out from government and you've got Department of Communities and justice which is the government agency. So the NGO's doing and I think DCJ as well. There are about 40 odd percent, 48% of carers are still directly with DCJ. And then you've got the rest that are out with the agencies. So it's up to the agency as to how much they're putting information out.
[00:26:30] Speaker D: It's just been with our agency, there's just been a huge media last month.
[00:26:35] Speaker A: Before the last couple of months.
[00:26:37] Speaker C: Is that the one where we were seeing on all the ads and that about, you can foster and part time foster and single people can do it.
[00:26:44] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:26:45] Speaker C: There was that big advertising process that was.
[00:26:47] Speaker A: A lot of people have been doing stuff. So we're with Barnardo's and we've been. Our agency, in our eyes, is fantastic. They've supported us from day one.
[00:26:55] Speaker C: That's awesome.
[00:26:56] Speaker A: Yeah. It's been really good experience for us.
[00:26:58] Speaker C: So when children are in need of carers and there isn't a carer available, where are they?
[00:27:06] Speaker D: Motels, hotels, caravan parks.
[00:27:09] Speaker A: With. With carers, generally, with a roster of carers coming through, just doing a job.
[00:27:16] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:27:16] Speaker A: And that's to.
[00:27:17] Speaker C: Yeah. Heartbreak.
[00:27:18] Speaker A: Some sort of care.
[00:27:19] Speaker D: Absolutely.
[00:27:19] Speaker C: Could not imagine one of my kids having to go through something like that.
[00:27:22] Speaker D: I know.
[00:27:23] Speaker A: It's horrendous to think about.
[00:27:24] Speaker C: It really is.
[00:27:25] Speaker D: They've just gone through something very traumatic and then placed.
[00:27:28] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:27:29] Speaker B: Isolated, essentially.
[00:27:30] Speaker D: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:27:31] Speaker C: With a different person coming through.
[00:27:32] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:27:33] Speaker C: Feeding them, checking on them.
[00:27:34] Speaker D: Yeah. Like where. Where is.
[00:27:36] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:27:37] Speaker A: Okay, look, there's stories of very young children being in hotel rooms for years, you know, two, three years, those sorts of things. So it's. It is scary to think about, and it's the. It's that thing that people don't realize is happening in society, and I'm one of those people. Until Tracy approached me and said, hey, hey, about this, I hadn't thought about foster care at any stage of my life that I remember. So I was one of these naive people going through life and everything's dandy and all that sort of stuff for me. But there's so many people in need, isn't it? Whether it's veterans, whether it's young parents needing some support, because we've also seen that in our experience, too. Even our first placement was a couple of young kids, and we can talk a bit more about what happened there. But, you know, fundamentally, it looked to us that there were young parents.
[00:28:24] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:28:25] Speaker A: It could have been some identification through that, you know, prenatal care or in the hospital and stuff like that. Hey, here's some young people that need some support here. And then quite possibly that situation may have turned out differently, but now there's. There are two children in care that have higher needs, and that's. That's the result of maybe not some preventative action early on.
[00:28:46] Speaker C: Yep. Education. Education, education.
[00:28:48] Speaker A: It's pretty powerful stuff when you used correctly.
[00:28:50] Speaker C: Yeah, absolutely. And when people are taking the time. Right. When people are taking the time to identify that there's a need and having the courage to step up and say something like, I find all too often it's too easy to just, it'll be somebody else's problem.
[00:29:05] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:29:05] Speaker C: And let's move on. So talk us through your first placement. You get your license, you've got to gear up the house.
[00:29:11] Speaker D: So we did all that. It was three months before our first placement.
[00:29:14] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:29:15] Speaker D: So that was, I think we, we.
[00:29:18] Speaker A: Talked about it on 2022. Yeah, we talked about on our podcast.
[00:29:21] Speaker D: Yeah. You're excited, but you're, you know that something horrible has to happen for that child to come to you. So you want something to happen, but you don't want something to happen. It's, it's, it's really weird.
[00:29:33] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:29:33] Speaker D: Weird. Weird.
[00:29:34] Speaker C: Yeah. That would be very surreal.
[00:29:35] Speaker D: It is. And, well, first of all, we got a call that there was two little ones, two and a half and three and a half on the Wednesday.
And we accepted they were a removal. And so we sat with our caseworker at our home for an hour or two. They didn't show and turn. They went to the grandparents or grandma.
[00:29:59] Speaker C: No. And you weren't told?
[00:30:02] Speaker D: Well, our caseworker had to phone and find out and then eventually find out through an email that they were going to stay with grandma. Oh, that night. But eventually it came to us on the Friday.
[00:30:12] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. So they didn't stay with grandma.
[00:30:15] Speaker D: It was never sustainable. She lived in an over fifties.
[00:30:18] Speaker C: Right.
[00:30:19] Speaker D: It was never sustainable anyway, so they were always going to come to us.
[00:30:22] Speaker C: It was just a delight.
[00:30:25] Speaker D: So that was.
[00:30:26] Speaker A: But sitting in, sitting out in our sort of waiting room, playroom, caseworker didn't know what was going on because, you know, again, these are serious things, removing children.
[00:30:35] Speaker D: Yeah, of course.
[00:30:36] Speaker A: So, yeah, it was a pretty, pretty crazy first time.
[00:30:38] Speaker C: You know, are you going to get a child that comes in and just screams 24 hours a day? Are you getting a child that's going to come in and doesn't know how to eat or doesn't know how to communicate?
[00:30:47] Speaker D: That's basically what happened to.
[00:30:50] Speaker C: Right. Okay.
[00:30:50] Speaker D: And it was, it was a lot.
[00:30:53] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:30:54] Speaker D: It was.
[00:30:54] Speaker C: So talk us through, break us down. They turn up, I guess, just to.
[00:30:59] Speaker A: Go back a little bit that you talked about training earlier.
[00:31:02] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:31:03] Speaker A: And, you know, there's all this stuff out there, but it's like anything. Right. You don't, you don't really know until you're in it.
All these theoretical experts out there and academics or whatever, you know, that fantastic information, but then apply that to the real world. Yeah. Be a lot not happening. So you know, Tracy's got some educating, early education, training, a background. I don't have any of that. I'm just a, hopefully a fun dad and gets frustrated from time to time, but I like having fun and throwing kids around, and that's my parenting style.
Tracy's a lot more educated about it. Hopefully. I'm just giving lots of love. Tracy's looking after the rest as well as the love. So you can never be prepared for that to happen when it's your own child. And they've learned from day one. Exactly. This was a two and a half and a three and a half who we were told had high needs. So from our perspective, there was a lot of naivety in accepting a placement like that. Like, we put the responsibility on ourselves that that's not a placement we should have accepted. We weren't ready for that, but we wanted to help children. We'd said that we could have up to two children.
[00:32:09] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:32:10] Speaker A: And that turned out to be a mistake as well. So there was all this stuff that it's like, in hindsight, a wonderful thing that now we know. And this is also why web, certainly myself, and through some of the channels now, fostering together, passionate about sharing information with potential carers, because you can never be resourced enough.
[00:32:28] Speaker C: I love the fact that you guys are so open about this, and you'll own every mistake as you go through this to share with people, because that's what it comes down to. Right? People need to hear that lived experience and learn from it. You can't learn this shit out of a textbook. I'm sorry, but you just can't.
[00:32:45] Speaker D: You can't.
[00:32:46] Speaker A: No. So the placement. So that eventually the two lit ones came, and it was. It was bloody tough. It was unbelievably tough. So I.
Tracy and I just. We were going on very different paths as each day went on. I was sort of digging in, think, you know, we're gonna. We're gonna try and get through this. Which was naive and stupid, because we weren't. We weren't trained enough to help, you know, provide the help that these children need. And again, Tracy is so loving and caring, but she's also got those motherly instincts and knows that you can only provide so much love and care. And I'm gonna, you know, I'm gonna be the mother and make the tough decision, and she was going the other way and pulling away from it. Not. Not, you know, she was still doing everything and everything we needed to do, but sort of just pulling away. And so we need to she could.
[00:33:33] Speaker C: Do the trajectory before.
[00:33:34] Speaker A: Absolutely. Absolutely. Well.
[00:33:35] Speaker D: Well, before I go with his work, he was. It was just.
[00:33:39] Speaker A: I wasn't getting work done. You know, my clients were very, very accommodating, but they weren't going to accommodate, sort of paying me for years without doing anything, let alone a couple of weeks. So.
[00:33:49] Speaker D: And I wanted whatever we did straight away. So it wasn't. It wasn't such a huge disruption to the children that they really got to know. So then they went. It was.
That's what I thought was best. It wasn't working for us as a family, for how we could provide for them. I wanted better for them. I think that was naive on my part because I don't think they went.
[00:34:12] Speaker A: To better, not initially.
[00:34:14] Speaker D: I thought that was better out there.
[00:34:17] Speaker A: They did end up, unfortunately, in alternative care arrangements, which is back to hotel, motel sort of stuff. So we're not sure how long. But we did find out through other channels that they have now for some time being placed in long term, in a permanent placement, which is fantastic.
Absolutely. Which is absolutely awesome. So, you know, you can imagine through the channels when we heard that they were in an alternative care arrangement how we felt about that, which was just another whole stage of grief again.
[00:34:47] Speaker C: Yeah. And I guess you must go through that process where you're kind of beating yourself up a bit over it and there's a level of guilt that comes with it. How do you process through all that? How do you find the strength to go back and do it again?
[00:34:59] Speaker D: We used it as a learning experience. Okay, this is what happened. We still want to do this, but this is never going to happen again.
[00:35:07] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:35:07] Speaker D: Yep.
So we knew. Okay, so what can we learn from it? We need one child with Brendan working from home, straight across from the toy room.
[00:35:16] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:35:17] Speaker D: One child is. Is feasible. We knew that. And that's really sort of what we stuck. The only real limit that we really put on it, that it was one child, if it was one of them.
[00:35:28] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:35:29] Speaker D: We could have.
[00:35:30] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:35:30] Speaker D: It was just too. It was. It was not.
[00:35:35] Speaker C: So both had very high, high needs. And so you were running 24 by seven almost with both of these kids. Yep.
[00:35:42] Speaker A: But you know what we. What we sort of learn in the now of that time is what helped us for the future. Right. And we were hopefully self aware. We were self aware enough to actually acknowledge that and to understand that and to use it for now. And, you know, the beautiful little girl we've got in her care now has some needs as well. You know, a little bit similar in some respects to our first placement. And we're more prepared. Yes. We certainly don't know everything about, you know, tisms and all these sorts of things, but we're a lot more prepared and we feel like we much more confident as a family that we can deal with these things.
[00:36:14] Speaker C: That's awesome.
[00:36:15] Speaker A: But you know, that the first placement was, you know, Tracy generally the way it sort of worked is the boy, little boy gravitated to me a little bit more and the little girl gravitated towards Tracy. So it was sort of like we were, we were caring for each one individually. And, you know, they would obviously we'd go out and do things or whatever, but Tracy could take the little girl out a little bit more than we could take the little boy. Yeah. He had even high needs.
[00:36:38] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:36:39] Speaker A: So even to the point, like he would not keep pants on. So there was a 24 hours period where I was literally following him around everywhere because we just weren't even sure about a solution to try and keep pants on.
[00:36:53] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:36:54] Speaker D: And solution is to buy drawstring shorts.
[00:36:59] Speaker A: Now, find that in any academic research.
[00:37:04] Speaker C: But you know what? This is so important, and this is why it's so important. Because there's little cheats, things like that. Right. And you go, haha. Tie a knot in it. But that's factually accurate.
[00:37:14] Speaker D: It works.
[00:37:15] Speaker C: And what academic would ever write that in a book?
[00:37:17] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:37:17] Speaker C: Never.
[00:37:18] Speaker A: So, you know, these little things that come on, you just, it's like you're problem solving around these things. And again, it's, it's, it's not the most articulate solution, but it worked 100%.
[00:37:28] Speaker C: When you haven't had to do that with your own children in the raising, like I would think, and please correct me if I'm wrong, but I would think going into a carers kind of role after having been parents for, you know, 1920 years, at that point, you're kind of going, okay, well, I've raised two children, so there's a lot that I will know just through natural of raising my own, et cetera. And then you get thrown into the deep end. It must have been a real kind of, holy shit, what have we done? Kind of moment for you.
[00:37:57] Speaker D: It is because it's a different kind of parenting. Sort of everything you did, you have to switch on its head.
[00:38:02] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:38:03] Speaker D: I mean, even to sort of timeout. You don't do timeout because that's isolating.
[00:38:07] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:38:08] Speaker D: And you do time next to you. I can't remember what they called call it, but if there's time out, it's time next to you.
[00:38:15] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:38:16] Speaker D: So it's.
[00:38:16] Speaker C: So you've constantly got that reinformation with them and that connection with them.
[00:38:21] Speaker D: That's it.
[00:38:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:22] Speaker B: Because I suppose the isolating factor there would be pretty massive with kids that are in distress or in need of care. Like, they've got a very isolated situation to begin with, probably most of them.
[00:38:30] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:38:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:31] Speaker D: So it's, it really is a different thinking than your own. Your own. You're just very natural. You just do.
[00:38:37] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:38:37] Speaker D: But with fostering, you have to think about all the actions that you do.
[00:38:41] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:38:42] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:38:43] Speaker A: Because also we're as carers and this is also one of the challenges in the system. Spoke about before the bureaucracy. You're literally under the microscope, you know.
[00:38:51] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:38:51] Speaker A: You need to, you know, you need to think about these things and make sure yourself, not now. Again, we've younger children, but especially with older children that know the system a little bit more, you know, carers can have claims put against them, and I'm sure sometimes they are real claims and there's issues, but there's also a fair amount that aren't real claims and it could be children pain. So you've got to make sure that you, and you do get some training on that, some education around that. But again, when you're in the heat of the moment sometimes and you've got a screaming child or children there that you don't understand their trauma yet. And it's, it's really, you know, the greatest challenge for me in life is that curiosity over judgment. I think that's one of the challenges for everybody in life. And, and fostering is one of those things that just reinforces that every single day. You know, I make judgments around things and then it's like, no, like this. We just don't know what that child's thinking about somewhere. We don't know that, you know, they don't come with the full rap sheet of history. It's just they try and get as much information as possible, but you'll never.
[00:39:54] Speaker C: Know what you don't know.
[00:39:55] Speaker A: It doesn't matter what parenting style you have. We've still not met a parent that doesn't love their child. They may parent very differently. So you can imagine if their child or children's being taken. They're not sitting there thinking, or I'll write all these, this list of things about what my child likes and stuff. So you just, we've got, I guess what we've learned from our first placement is we also got much better, particularly tracy, because she's the one that generally feels the call. She's got much better at asking questions. And kaz, you talk about owning your worth and that to me is so powerful in a foster care situation because again, we've met a number of carers that haven't realized their own worth and therefore they give up their power a bit. And it's not about, you know, taking power in a negative way, but it's. You've got to make the right decisions for yourself. Yes. You've got to make the right decisions for your family. You've got to make the right decisions based on where you think you're at the moment so that you think you can help that child in the best way. You just take it from a, from a loving perspective and you don't put some logic to that, then you could potentially be taking a child in here. That's actually not the best, it's not the best option for you because you're not able to help them in the best way.
[00:41:05] Speaker C: And in that regard, it becomes not the best outcome for the child.
[00:41:09] Speaker D: Exactly.
[00:41:10] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[00:41:10] Speaker C: There's that double negative. That's it.
[00:41:13] Speaker D: You've got to think about not the right person for this child.
[00:41:16] Speaker C: Yeah. And that's okay. Right. Like at that point, making that decision, that's okay.
[00:41:20] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:41:20] Speaker A: And that's where Tracy is so much stronger than me. And I think that's where she's good, that she's the one that takes the calls. And then if she can sort of filter some of that based on the questions, then she might just sort of talk. We still have a conversation then we. Yeah, that's not right for us. You know, that's a tough call, but that's the reality of the system. There are placements that aren't right and then she talks or if she thinks there's a bit more opportunity and this is something that will fit for us, we talk about it at more length. So I get a feel from Tracy, based on the alright. Conversation, this is it. As to whether we should say yes or no.
[00:41:52] Speaker C: Yeah. So, Tracy, just talk me through for a second, because this has been your life goal, right? This has been your driving factor. And we did an episode not that long ago about the difference between it being my goal and him coming on board for it or his goal and me coming on board for it. So this is your goal and you take in those first two children. And I would assume that there's a lot of emotion in here that based on you and your expectations that you've put on yourself to do this, and it doesn't work. Talk me through your emotional process, then, to get yourself to the point where it's okay to say, I'm ready for the next child to come into my home.
[00:42:33] Speaker D: It was devastating.
[00:42:34] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:42:35] Speaker D: I know. They said when they came and did the sort of after interview, they're like, do you feel relieved? I was like, no, that's a really horrible question. Yeah. I was like, no, I don't feel relieved. I feel deflated, upset, angry. All, like, so many things. Yeah. Because I wanted to be there for those two little ones, and it didn't happen.
And I just, like I said, just kept the learning into it, knowing that we could do something.
[00:43:04] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:43:04] Speaker D: And that we took on too much and we just needed to take something away.
[00:43:10] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:43:10] Speaker D: And we could do it because I could see that we could do it, but that was just too much, the two. So if it was one of them, we could have done it. We would just. With Brendan, we would have dug down.
[00:43:20] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:43:21] Speaker D: And done it. And so I just never lost it. It was a. It was a failure. It was upsetting, but I didn't want it to stop us.
[00:43:30] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:43:31] Speaker D: Yeah.
[00:43:31] Speaker C: Cool. Yep. That's good. That's good.
[00:43:34] Speaker A: We've never really quit on anything.
Dusted ourselves. Absolutely.
[00:43:38] Speaker C: Yep. And so how long was it between you letting the first kids go and then the next child coming through?
[00:43:47] Speaker D: So that was February, and we heard about our new one, probably mid April, and bought her home at the end of April.
[00:43:57] Speaker C: And how's that going? Tell me about that.
[00:43:59] Speaker D: That was a couple of placements ago.
[00:44:01] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:44:02] Speaker D: That was a baby.
So babies are babies. I think they're probably one of the easiest.
[00:44:08] Speaker C: How long did you. Was it a little boy or a little girl?
[00:44:10] Speaker D: Little girl. We had her for a year.
[00:44:12] Speaker C: Oh.
[00:44:13] Speaker A: Two days after her first birthday. Wow. She went to her long term home, her adoptive home.
[00:44:18] Speaker C: Wow. So you have this child in your care, and. I'm sorry, I'm just gonna make you sit on your hands there for a second. Cause I just want it from a mama bear's perspective. You've bought this baby into your home, and you've nurtured this baby for. Yeah.
[00:44:35] Speaker B: Whatever about that.
[00:44:39] Speaker C: How are you? How was the letting go process? If you want to, if you don't.
[00:44:43] Speaker D: Want to, it's because it's a huge part of it. Because so many people say to us, oh, I couldn't foster because I'd love them too much. I couldn't let them go. And they're the type of people that you want. You want them to love them as much as possible. You're perfect, and you've just got to keep in mind why you're doing it. Yeah. And we were able to have two children. And our second one, I mean, I just was pregnant with my first.
Our second was intentional. And it. I mean, it only took six months, but that was the longest six months of my life. Yep. Other people got pregnant in that time. So I had a tiny, tiny taste of what it's like for someone to not be able to have a child.
[00:45:24] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:45:25] Speaker D: And what it's. What it's like to want a child.
[00:45:28] Speaker C: Yeah.
[00:45:28] Speaker D: And so I knew why I got into fostering. It wasn't to have more children myself. It was to share with other people. So, I mean, it was hard. We dropped her off, we drove up the road, stopped the car, and just balled her eyes and probably carried on for a few days.
[00:45:49] Speaker C: Do you get to stay in contact? Do you get to know how she's going?
[00:45:54] Speaker D: We've just been completely lucky, and we've kept in contact with the family. They sent us photos, videos. We visited her in January.
[00:46:05] Speaker C: Oh, that's amazing.
[00:46:07] Speaker D: So they've kept us in life updated. We're seeing her grow up, and we're lucky. Even with our second placement, they were going to visit her tomorrow.
[00:46:17] Speaker C: So tell me about the second placement. This is another little girl.
[00:46:21] Speaker D: Yeah. So it was about another three months after we dropped our first little girl off.
[00:46:25] Speaker C: Did you. Was there any point at that, through that three month process where you've had this amazing year and this heartbreak and sort of let go process that you've had to go through? Did you at any point there go, nah, I just can't do this again because the let go is too hard.
[00:46:41] Speaker D: No.
[00:46:41] Speaker C: Oh, man, you're strong. You're strong.
[00:46:44] Speaker D: Cause it gets better. Okay.
[00:46:46] Speaker A: Like, the adopt word did come up several times, even though what Tracy said and. Right. More from me. Yes.
[00:46:53] Speaker C: Anyway, so who took it harder than you?
[00:46:58] Speaker A: Look, just listening to Tracy, I well up.
[00:47:00] Speaker D: So, yeah, Brendan took that very.
I took it hard, but. And I think that's the difference on whose dream it was.
[00:47:08] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:47:09] Speaker D: I knew why I was getting into this.
[00:47:11] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:47:11] Speaker D: For Brendan. He came along for the journey, and so he wasn't prepared, I think. And the why.
[00:47:18] Speaker C: Yes.
[00:47:18] Speaker D: We were doing this.
[00:47:19] Speaker C: Yep. His why was for you.
[00:47:21] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:47:21] Speaker C: And then this sort of side act, this side thing kind of comes on and hits you in the. In the heart and in the emotions. And all of a sudden there's this little person looking up at you for 365 days completely dependent on you. Have you found your why now, Brendan? Like, can you let go a bit easier now?
[00:47:41] Speaker A: I think with the last little one that we had, it was that little bit easier.
It's still very, very tough, and I still get very emotional around things.
[00:47:53] Speaker C: Oh, you're gonna make me cry.
[00:47:56] Speaker A: I'm the biggest pussy out there. I have to say.
Children make you such a pussy.
[00:48:03] Speaker C: Yeah, they do.
[00:48:04] Speaker A: In a very good way. In a very good way.
[00:48:06] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[00:48:07] Speaker A: Yeah. With little Bubba that we brought home from the hospital, and everything Tracy says is spot on. But the thing that was different for me is like, that first three and a half months, we had to wean her off drugs.
So we'd never done that before. And it's not something you wish on your worst enemy, because some of the withdrawal that can happen through that process is not great to look at.
[00:48:28] Speaker C: Did you know that that's what was going to happen? Yes. Okay.
[00:48:30] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:48:31] Speaker C: Well.
[00:48:32] Speaker D: Well, we didn't. We had never been through it.
[00:48:35] Speaker C: Right.
[00:48:36] Speaker D: We knew it was going to happen, but we didn't know how it was going to happen.
[00:48:39] Speaker A: The advice that we got from the medical experts was that she may experience some discomfort.
[00:48:45] Speaker D: Oh, she might be fussy during fi d. Right.
[00:48:48] Speaker A: So.
[00:48:51] Speaker C: And I'm guessing by the reaction right now, it was a little bit more than that.
[00:48:54] Speaker D: I phone call to the emergency.
[00:48:57] Speaker A: To be fair to them, there were various elements through that three and a half month process of weaning where that was the case, but there were some critical times where it definitely wasn't the case. And we've got some of that stuff on video and just, you know, listening back because we just. We just wanted to capture this for. For something, again, more education. So there was.
There's such a connection built up when you've got that extra challenge to go through.
[00:49:21] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:49:22] Speaker A: And, you know, you talked about, you know, the parent. We were so attached to that little girl and still are so attached to her. And we just. We just love what has been created for her and what we've been able to help create for her.
[00:49:31] Speaker D: She's gone to a beautiful family.
[00:49:33] Speaker A: The family is.
[00:49:35] Speaker D: That helps? It helps. So, I mean, again, like, we've just been so lucky that they've all gone to beautiful families. We haven't had to come back. We haven't had to worry, oh, are they going to be okay?
We don't have to do any of that.
[00:49:49] Speaker C: Do you know how long you're having these children in your care for? Like, it could be a day, it could be 20.
[00:49:55] Speaker A: And that was the other thing that was a real challenge.
[00:49:57] Speaker D: It's short term.
[00:49:58] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:49:59] Speaker D: So it's usually about a year, but it could be two. I know someone who said three. So usually they're with you until a decision about their future has been made.
[00:50:07] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:50:07] Speaker D: So whether that's back to Bubba, dad or to public care, and if.
[00:50:13] Speaker C: Let's talk scenarios here for a second. If you had a child in your care and they go through the process of making that decision and child goes back to mum and dad and it's the wrong decision and it's a failure and they go back in, are you the first point of reference if you're free?
[00:50:30] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:50:30] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:50:32] Speaker A: And look, we, to some extent that's. We dread that time where, you know, we believe we've got longevity in as carers and we really want to help more families, more children. There will be at least a time, I'm sure. We hope there's not, but there will be a time at least where we're not that comfortable with whatever the outcome is. Now, again, people don't make decisions with the wrong intent, that they're trying to make a bad decision. But sometimes you do see things as carers from birth family, birth parents and whatever that are maybe not being seen by other people that are also putting information forward for the courts to make decisions. And also, again, there's very much a push on children going back to their birth family, which is super, super important. But the standard to go back to the birth family is it's good enough. It's not up here. It's good enough. And good enough is good enough.
[00:51:29] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:51:29] Speaker A: And like I said earlier, what we think is, you know, very good or reasonable parenting standards, good enough is generally quite below that.
[00:51:37] Speaker C: Do you think the government's just doing that? Or whoever the regulators and policymakers are doing that because the alternative is just too hard to define?
[00:51:46] Speaker A: Well, I don't know.
[00:51:46] Speaker D: I mean, there's been a lot of research to show. I mean, that's why all the adoptions are open adoptions, that the children fare better when they know who their family are. They're with their family.
That's where they're coming from.
[00:51:58] Speaker C: Okay.
[00:51:59] Speaker D: That.
[00:51:59] Speaker C: Just that connection. So as a child, they, they know their history, they know who they are.
[00:52:07] Speaker D: And that's where it's all coming from.
They just need to give help to those families.
[00:52:14] Speaker C: Yep. Yeah.
[00:52:15] Speaker D: And if they've got the resources to do that, they're good.
[00:52:19] Speaker C: But, you know, I think it's still a difficult.
[00:52:23] Speaker A: The challenge with any of these things is the context like the situation might be similar, but the context makes it very different around children, right? We know we've got children and there's all these things happening. So, you know, what can sort of seem good enough on paper and stuff and you put it in the context of things like how can, how can that happen? But then the system is like any big system, it's made for creating standards. So when you, when you're pushing some of those things that have probably again come from academic research and stuff like that, which some value in those things, but they're not giving all the context to the certain situations. So there's just this singular focus on get back to birth family, get back to birth family, get back to birth family. And you know, in our experience so far, I mean, we've had really great relationships with birth parents. And again, it's not that they don't love those children, they just, they've got their own challenges and they, they've learned differently. That curiosity, they've learned differently of how they've been parented and that's how they're bringing their parenting style in. So, you know, again, we try not to make judgments around those things, but it's just, you cannot treat a system so big and just try and maintain sort of, you know, the same standard for everyone. Everything's got such a nuance to it. People are, we all know we are all so different, the situations are so different, which makes this whole bloody thing so complicated and very, very difficult to, you know, to solve and move forward. But again, we're certainly hoping from my perspective and Tracy's support and what we're doing on the fostering together podcast that we can at least make some sort of impact in creating more awareness around these things.
[00:53:59] Speaker C: And certainly, you know, for whatever it's worth, all the information that you've talked about today and the little tips and tricks and things like that, start writing them, document them, put them on a website somewhere, let people have access to them because that stuff's lived experience that's learnt by doing, not by reading and statistics and all the rest of it. Absolutely like journal that.
[00:54:18] Speaker A: I mean the information out there in the carer community is unbelievable. It'd be probably exactly the same as what's in the veteran community, right? There's so much untapped information there, like how you bring those communities together and, and make it work for good for the children and even for the families, you know, how we can help those sort of things. It's just there's untapped potential in this whole process.
[00:54:42] Speaker C: So what would you tell I a husband and wife or a person, an adult out there that is thinking that has that little life goal, maybe in the early stages, that's contemplating whether or not to become a carer in the foster sector, what would you say to them besides do it?
[00:55:02] Speaker D: Find out information.
Talk to people. Talk to carers.
They're out there. They're just hidden away, but there's loads of people around there. Get in contact with an agency, ask to talk to carers to see what it really is like day to day.
And if that's something you can sustain.
[00:55:20] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:55:21] Speaker D: I would really. I mean, I'm just an information person. I like to get all the information and just read it, listen to it, mull it over, and that's. That's how I learn. So that's how I would ask somebody else.
[00:55:34] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:55:34] Speaker D: To do it. But you really got to research whether you want to give over your life.
[00:55:40] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:55:40] Speaker D: Because it really is. It impacts everything you do completely. So life won't be the same after like it was before.
[00:55:49] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:55:50] Speaker D: And you've got to be willing to do that again.
[00:55:53] Speaker C: So if you're fostering, and this is a very random question, but if you have a child in care at the moment and you decide you want to go overseas for three weeks, can you get that child a passport and take that child with you for a holiday? Overseas for three weeks?
[00:56:05] Speaker A: So technically, yes. Okay.
I don't know. We don't know what the price would be overseas. We did take a little, one of the little ones we had up to central Queensland with us and just a beautiful trip and great memories. So there was a little process involved in just making that happen. Wasn't too complex. So technically, yes.
[00:56:24] Speaker C: Okay, good. All right. So you can still, as a family, get out and do things. You're not tied to your house 24 by seven.
Yep. Okay. So you still get to be a family.
[00:56:35] Speaker A: And, you know, we treat them as a, you know, they are another family member. Or if you've got a couple or more than a couple of children there in the, in the system, then they are for us. They are part of our family for the time that we have them.
[00:56:47] Speaker D: And, I mean, you can go traveling for six months.
[00:56:49] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:56:50] Speaker D: There's requirements and probably the child would need, you know, you've got your speech ot all of those things.
[00:56:56] Speaker A: Yeah.
But, you know, our job is to love these children unconditionally for as long as we have them. And the program we're in, the temporary family care program, is that short term care that Tracy mentioned. So, you know, that makes it bloody hard when they go. Absolutely. I think it's thankfully and hopefully whenever, like, you know, I've spoken to some people on LinkedIn recently, and she's gone through the process of losing a child over the years. And just the strength that, you know, a child passing away and the strength of that brings it. So it's. For me, it's maybe the closest thing to that is that you've just, you know, love these children, so. And particularly from the little one, from baby, you've loved them and you've nurtured them, you've gone through some challenges. I have to comment that Tracy did go to New York for two weeks whilst we had that little one. So that's where I'm flagging you down about these comments, like this motherly thing. She was fine to go away overseas for a couple of weeks.
[00:57:51] Speaker D: Yeah, for a whole one.
[00:57:53] Speaker A: That was a long time ago now. A long time ago. Anyway, we're not talking.
We're talking about fostering. Not when we weren't fostering.
[00:58:00] Speaker D: His parents came down to help him.
[00:58:03] Speaker B: Nice.
[00:58:04] Speaker A: Come on.
You're making me look so bad here.
[00:58:10] Speaker C: Do you want us to edit that bit?
[00:58:12] Speaker A: That's how I liken it. And that's why, for me, I just firmly believe you don't get over these things. You just learn to deal with them better every single day. Um, you know, I still well up over things. There's things that we think about even getting excited about tomorrow and. First time we've seen the little one since we dropped her off. And, you know, beautiful family that she's with and everything like that again, but just to. Just to see that.
[00:58:34] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:58:35] Speaker A: In real life is going to be.
[00:58:36] Speaker C: So how long did you had this one for that you're going to see tomorrow?
[00:58:39] Speaker D: Six months.
[00:58:40] Speaker C: Okay. Yeah.
[00:58:41] Speaker D: It was a bit of a different.
[00:58:42] Speaker A: She's so gorgeous.
[00:58:44] Speaker D: She was. She had a bit of a sad story. She was with one carer who couldn't do it, so she went to another carer and she should have. Her case should have been cleared up, but it wasn't. And this Kara had a huge holiday booked, so she came to us. So we were actually her third carer and she came to us.
[00:58:59] Speaker C: And how old was she? She was a year old when she came to. How these poor kids. Like, your heart breaks, right?
[00:59:06] Speaker D: It does, yeah.
[00:59:07] Speaker C: But then there is also the outcomes.
[00:59:10] Speaker D: Of success and that she's in a family by energy to see these families, that's what I absolutely love I just adore it.
[00:59:18] Speaker C: Do you think you would ever adopt?
[00:59:21] Speaker A: No.
[00:59:21] Speaker C: No. Okay, tell me why.
[00:59:23] Speaker A: Well, you can never say never.
[00:59:25] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:59:25] Speaker D: You can never say never.
[00:59:26] Speaker A: Like, Tracy, we didn't do it for that. And I guess back to the why. Like, I understand that more like the. The connection of families is so powerful.
[00:59:34] Speaker C: Yep.
[00:59:34] Speaker A: Even tomorrow in the family we're going to. I spoke to dad earlier in the week, and he's reconnected with his own parents that they weren't on great speaking terms. So, yeah. Having for us, like, this little girl has reconnected a family just coming in, they've gone through their own challenges, through IVF and all that sort of stuff, and just, you know, they are just loving this little girl. And it's such a beautiful family.
[00:59:59] Speaker D: If we had adopted, we've already got two children. We've had it. We've had all of that. We would have robbed somebody else.
[01:00:05] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[01:00:06] Speaker D: From that family.
[01:00:07] Speaker C: And there are so many families. And you're right, we went through our own journey and we had, you know, IVF attempt fail. Ivf attempt fail. And for so many years look down the path that we were not going to have children. And that is.
That's a podcast in itself. Right. Because there is so many emotions that go with that. To be able to give a couple or, you know, a person, whatever the case may be, that kind of gift, that amazing. Yeah, yeah, I get your why on that. I really do. I understand that completely.
[01:00:40] Speaker A: And that's where, for me, like, that's where I've been able to solidify some of this. Like, my. Yeah, my other business is about leadership, business coaching and leadership development. So that the greatest thing you can do in leadership is to put other people's interests ahead of your own. And to me, like, that's what we're like, Tracy's thought about that for years and done that. Like, you know, I'm the slow learner. Like, it takes me a number of years to realize these, but that, that's what life's about. Like, what you can do for others and then help one person every day. Exactly. Right.
[01:01:09] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:01:10] Speaker B: I was just going to ask you, too, just in the cause you guys are so open and honest about things. Like, I guess not to put a shadow over the top of it, but what sort of things are you guys seeing? Or what are the things that are most commonly coming up with kids that are in need of care or in need of intervention at the moment in.
[01:01:25] Speaker D: Australia, there's a lot. I mean, there's a huge older children there's so many older children that need help. The little ones, they're easy to place.
[01:01:35] Speaker B: Yep.
[01:01:36] Speaker D: Like they're just so easy. Babies, one year olds, they're, you know, somebody's gonna want them.
[01:01:41] Speaker A: Yep.
[01:01:42] Speaker D: It's the older ones that need help. But there is. There's a lot of trauma.
[01:01:47] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:01:48] Speaker A: Domestic violence type trauma.
[01:01:50] Speaker D: Yeah, this is trauma in a child. Drugs out there, people just, you know, just being taken away. It's the trauma there. This is all these little traumas.
[01:02:00] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:02:00] Speaker D: And they build up, that build up to big. And they present ADHD. There's a lot of autism.
You do see a greater number of those in the foster and is that.
[01:02:12] Speaker B: Just parents not being capable or not having those capabilities or not having the support they need to be able to help the child appropriately or sometimes.
[01:02:22] Speaker D: And sometimes just trauma can show as ADHD. I say it's ADHD, but it's really trauma that is presenting that way.
[01:02:33] Speaker C: We've got friends in America, Stacey and Justin, who do a whole work process around trauma and the effects that it has on the body and how it presents and what it's doing to people and how to deep dive into that to really process and go through. And that's in the adult world. Right. And it's complicated and it's involved and it's in depth in the adult world.
[01:02:56] Speaker D: Yeah. So I'd hate to think, great book about the trauma affects the body. Yeah, like that's a great book but it does, it does how they react to a noise, how you. To all of that. It's. Yeah, the trauma is in there.
[01:03:09] Speaker C: So.
[01:03:09] Speaker A: I love the way you think, Matt. Like there's, I don't know what those stats look like and you know, how to dive into that sort of stuff. But I guess based on our own experience and the communities we're involved in through carers there, you know, the drug and alcohol addiction side of things, the domestic violence, you know, kids coming through, all elements of trauma attached to those things and build up, build up, build up. So. And again, that's where that curiosity over judgment comes in. Like a child can be screened. Even the little one we've got now, you know, her tantrums are far less now, but we don't know the origins of some of those things. Yes, but what we do know is that Tracy made a point about this sort of parenting and, you know, some of the tism stuff, like there can also be again, judgment made actually before there's further investigation. So this little girl had never worn shoes before she came to us and she was three. So we were told that sensory related issues, that shoes weren't a thing, and that's gone through the childcare and all that sort of stuff. Well, you know, actually what we discovered just through trial and error and just little bit by little bit, again, nothing in research papers around this. It's like, you know, how about we try this? You know, even just Tracy buying some shoes to start with, putting shoes in a noticeable place for her to start to realize and pick them up and watch people curious.
[01:04:25] Speaker D: Exactly.
[01:04:25] Speaker A: All that sort of stuff. Well, it wasn't sensory issues. She just didn't want to wear shoes.
[01:04:31] Speaker D: Nobody had thought through the tantrum.
[01:04:33] Speaker A: Exactly. And that's again, okay. She is now being diagnosed with autism, a level of autism, but there's still a number of behavioral type matters. That is just a little girl that does not want to do something.
[01:04:45] Speaker C: And you know what? That's hard enough with our own child who is on spectrum, and it does have sensory identifications and things like that. And we still have to, with Scarlett, often separate what is a tantrum, what is just bad behaviour versus what is actually autism for her. And she's 13, and we're able to have those conversations now, you know, no, you're not getting to use this as a crutch. And no, that's not this and all the rest of it. So doing that, as with a child who has already been through so much trauma at so young, my God, what a challenge.
[01:05:20] Speaker D: It's hard. And with no speech.
[01:05:21] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:05:23] Speaker D: So it's. It is. A lot of it was just tantrums.
[01:05:27] Speaker C: Yep.
[01:05:27] Speaker D: Wow. Yep.
[01:05:29] Speaker A: But my claim to fame now is that I won the bath scoreboard.
[01:05:32] Speaker D: Yep.
[01:05:35] Speaker C: What does that mean?
[01:05:36] Speaker A: What does that mean? It meant that bathing her initially was not a very nice affair. She screamed and she. But it was not great. So eventually, I decided, being my competitive self, I'm going to create a scoreboard here, and she's not going to win.
[01:05:50] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:05:51] Speaker A: So the scoreboard at one point was little girl 14. Me won.
Eventually, I got it to 1514. Yep. And I stopped the scoreboard because I won.
[01:06:02] Speaker C: That's it.
[01:06:03] Speaker A: Solid. And now bath time again. We. We chant. She used to jump into mine or Tracy's arms, and we're going, bath time, bath time.
[01:06:10] Speaker C: Bath time.
[01:06:11] Speaker A: Yeah. So we do all that, and now she just. She generally just runs up the stairs now leads the child. She's up there, like part two. So it's a really great affair, and either one of us can bath her, and she has just as much fun. But again, it's some of that structure, it's some of that discipline and just putting that in place for a little person that hasn't been used to that. And it's amazing some of the progress that can happen.
[01:06:31] Speaker C: It's also really unique to each child that comes through. Right?
[01:06:35] Speaker D: Yes.
[01:06:35] Speaker C: You have to identify what their needs are and how you're going to work and be flexible and pivot every time and all the rest of it. And again, that's not an academia thing, that's a lived experience.
Look for these little indicators. Look for these ways. And if you see this indicator, try this. You know, this is where you guys are going to be so important in this sector, and people like you are going to be so important in this sector to be start documenting and identifying and helping other people that are a bit curious about the process and, you know, what things to look out for. I want to take a turn for a second because, you know, at the end of the day, kids cost money, so raising our own children, we all take it on board and we know that that's just what's going to happen. And I know this is very clinical and all the rest of it, but I also know that people will wonder and it's a hard time right now. Right. Everything's gone up. Food's more expensive.
Cost of living overall is just expensive. Does it cost you to have a child come into your home?
[01:07:38] Speaker A: So are you saying mentally or physically?
[01:07:40] Speaker D: Financially?
[01:07:43] Speaker B: All of the above.
[01:07:44] Speaker C: We know the other two are. Yes, on some occasions.
[01:07:47] Speaker D: It's. I think it's usually dependent on the age of your child. We have the younger ones and there is a payment that you get that can cover mostly what they do. That paper is the same if you have an older child. Older children are much more expensive because they want phones.
[01:08:02] Speaker C: Okay. They want all the other stuff that goes.
[01:08:04] Speaker D: Fashion is more important.
[01:08:06] Speaker C: Yep.
[01:08:06] Speaker D: You can buy a whole wardrobe for what you get for a pair of jeans for an older.
[01:08:10] Speaker C: Okay. So it doesn't, it doesn't base on child's age or anything like that.
[01:08:15] Speaker D: There are some questions we don't know.
[01:08:17] Speaker A: Yeah, we have some. Well, there are some tendencies based on various needs that they may have or some mum tears. We don't know the detail of those.
[01:08:23] Speaker D: Okay. So if you've got a highly high needs child.
[01:08:26] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:08:27] Speaker D: They might have more funding attached to it.
[01:08:30] Speaker C: Okay. Okay. Yeah.
[01:08:31] Speaker B: And Donna. Oh, sorry not to jump in, I guess.
[01:08:34] Speaker A: Sorry, before you go with that.
[01:08:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[01:08:36] Speaker A: I mean, to reiterate though, I mean, I had a consulting coaching business for almost ten years. I'm used to being paid a lot more than a dollar 50 an hour.
[01:08:45] Speaker C: Yep.
[01:08:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Gotcha. When you do the mathematics, the payment, it's $3 an hour, a dollar 50 an hour each. So, you know if you're doing this for the money, you're kidding yourself.
Absolutely.
[01:08:56] Speaker C: It's not about. And I don't want to. I don't want that. To go down that path. I'm not asking you, are you doing it for the money? But I do know that families that might be thinking to do this like we did. That's right. Yeah, absolutely.
[01:09:10] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:09:11] Speaker A: That's a, that is a big question because it is.
[01:09:13] Speaker D: There's lots of single carers because the payment you are given is not, not taxable. Is that the right way to say. So you don't pay tax free. Tax free. And there are single cares where they get Medicare payments or the family, family benefits as well.
[01:09:34] Speaker C: Yeah.
[01:09:34] Speaker D: So it is.
[01:09:35] Speaker C: So there is financial support out.
[01:09:37] Speaker D: Financial support out there.
[01:09:39] Speaker C: They are going to have to budget and they are going to have to be aware and all the rest of it.
[01:09:44] Speaker D: If you have two children, you get two payments. So it's like that. But for us, where you've got one person, that's a main income.
[01:09:53] Speaker C: Yep.
[01:09:54] Speaker D: I could do supplement, you know, I'm a supplement income, I suppose. And it works very well for us.
[01:10:00] Speaker C: Okay. Yep.
[01:10:00] Speaker D: Like that. So if, you know, you do have a situation where, you know, dad or mom is a baby and the other ones at home.
[01:10:10] Speaker C: Yep.
[01:10:10] Speaker D: It works really well.
[01:10:11] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:10:12] Speaker D: Yeah.
[01:10:12] Speaker C: Yes.
[01:10:12] Speaker A: Yeah, you did. Yeah. There is an agency out there that has bought a model over from Germany and they have, they only take on the carers who are willing to do a full, like as, at a full time role. And they also pay the carer as a full, like as a full timer. Again, there's so much sort of darkness around classifications of carers and all that sort of stuff. That's a whole other thing to tap into. But the, that agency is bringing that model across from Germany. They're working closely with government as well because it's another, another option for the system. But you need to be prepared to, to be a full time carer, not to, you know, have a job or whatever. And you also need, very need to be prepared to work with much high need children. Again, there's various levels of things, so, you know, really specialized care associated with that. But majority of children, the majority of carers are on a, you know, an allowance that supports financially some of the process, but certainly you need to have a reasonable level of financial security behind you. I believe in order to do something like this.
[01:11:17] Speaker C: Okay.
[01:11:18] Speaker D: Definitely look into it because it's doable.
[01:11:20] Speaker C: Absolutely.
[01:11:20] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[01:11:21] Speaker C: No. And I just think for full clarity. Right. Like, people need to know what they've got to look for when looking into things you don't know, what you don't know. Right. So this is kind of the opportunity to look for those triggers and in regards to time. So you bring a child into your home, and you guys have obviously got that child seven days a week, 24 hours a day.
The process. Or can a family say, hey, we have Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays available for, say, no. Okay.
[01:11:49] Speaker D: So you could be what's called. What are they called? Respite care.
So you might have say, I could do a weekend once a month.
[01:11:56] Speaker C: Yep. Okay. So that is out there, though.
[01:11:59] Speaker D: Like people were looking where they can.
[01:12:01] Speaker C: Do things like that. That's something that various types of care.
[01:12:04] Speaker A: So respite's a great option. I'm not sure we really like the word respite, but the idea is they can have a sleepover at an approved for a weekend or for some school holidays, that sort of stuff. And again, they form part of that child's attachment and community.
And I personally believe, and this is something I've spoke, you know, we've spoken to our agency about, is that I think it's a great option for people who are actually might have some interest in some of that. Well, respite, to me, seems like a good place to start. It's almost like dipping your toe in the wall.
[01:12:32] Speaker C: That's right. Yeah.
[01:12:33] Speaker A: It's like, you know, we had a. Even though we spoke about not having, at this stage of our life, we're not comfortable with the older children, the teenage, because of our family circumstances. But there was an emergency case and, you know, we had a family conversation meeting and decided, look, if we're going to try it, let's. This is one to try. And that sort of solidified that. We're not ready at this stage, but there are other ways to try these things. And respite, I think, is a good option.
[01:12:59] Speaker C: Yep, sounds awesome. Did you want to. I think I was just before I.
[01:13:03] Speaker B: Was going to talk about how does it work with high. Obviously, if you've got kids with special needs, then they get access to the national.
[01:13:11] Speaker C: NDis.
[01:13:11] Speaker A: NDIs, yes. And that's something we're going through at the moment. So you also get a great opportunity to learn the great ins and outs of our health care system, all those sorts of things.
[01:13:23] Speaker C: Fortunately, you don't have to be a carer to find those kind of traps out.
[01:13:26] Speaker A: I mean, look, there are so many. So many challenges in that side, as you guys know, and. But even getting childcare, you know, a child in care, suppose he goes to the top of the list and, you know, we found some legislation that supports these things, but then the legislation within the social, social services side might say something, but then there's still got to be approval through the education department side of things. And from what we've at least learned from one of the childcare places that deals with some of these things quite a bit, not often do things get approved. So they might. The legislation may be there to bring these children and care to the top of the tree, but it still is relying on somebody making decision. And if they don't meet the requirements of the Department of Education, which starts sort ratios and all this sort of stuff, then you still can't get a child who's in care into childcare. So it's. It's.
[01:14:16] Speaker C: It's a challenge policy and process, right?
[01:14:19] Speaker A: And look, the quote, like, when we were young parents, you know, we. Thankfully, we didn't have to deal with a lot of these, like with our own children. It wasn't difficult to get our children into childcare. So I just feel for parents today, some of the challenges that you've got to go through just to. Just to try and do the best thing for your child, it gets more and more difficult.
[01:14:37] Speaker C: Red tape, red tape, red tape, red tape.
[01:14:39] Speaker A: But it's learning, and it is about, again, we are advocates for children in this case. So we're here where we take those as learning opportunities. I get very bloody frustrated about some of these things because I think customer service, where has it gone in the world? But it is still good learning experiences, and we're trying to bottle some of those things to save a. Well, hey, if we've learned this the hard way because we didn't know there was a maybe a way to get around this stuff, how can we educate others to do that as well?
[01:15:04] Speaker C: Guys, I think it's amazing what you're doing, and hats off to you. I know there's a lot of kids out there that really need more and more and more people like you. So, you know, for anybody that's out there listening, head over to their podcast.
[01:15:19] Speaker A: That is fostering together.
[01:15:21] Speaker C: Beautiful. Okay.
So I just, you know, I'm mindful of time. We're gonna whip around now, as you guys know, at the end of every podcast that we do, we talk about hope. Helping one person every day. And I really hope that this episode is gonna reach a lot of people and maybe start the conversations going around foster carers and, you know, hopefully open a few more doors or a few more thought processes to people and whether they can. But I'll get you guys to give us your hope. What do you hope?
[01:15:58] Speaker D: I just hope that we've planted the seeds in some people's minds that got planted in my head when I was 16.
I think having a decision to foster is a seed that you think over and over. It's not something you jump at quickly.
[01:16:14] Speaker C: Yep.
[01:16:15] Speaker D: So hopefully we'll plant some seeds today and people will start conversation. If they don't a conversation with someone else, they might plant a seed there. Just keep it going. It's. It's so important. If you can help. Help.
[01:16:30] Speaker C: Beautiful. Thank you. Brendan, what do you.
[01:16:33] Speaker A: Well, I have to go with my second choice because Tracy's dying to know.
[01:16:37] Speaker C: What this first choice was.
[01:16:39] Speaker A: So I just hope that we can all try hard to be more curious.
[01:16:46] Speaker B: Yep, yep.
[01:16:46] Speaker A: Than judgmental. We see things. Even taking the little girl for a haircut the other day, and there's certain things she doesn't like, which I wasn't even thinking about because I'm a dad sitting there with on the lap, and dads don't always think about these things. And she was kicking and screaming and stuff like that. But there's things that I know after that she didn't like clips in her hair, and I'm sitting there not even thinking, so. But I know there were people in there just sort of looking at and laughing a bit about just a little girl not wanting to get a haircut. There's so much more to it than that. So the curiosity over judgment, I think, is something that we all need to be better at.
[01:17:19] Speaker C: I actually put that post up the other day, like, understand that the person in front of you has a deeper story than they're telling you.
[01:17:30] Speaker A: Absolutely.
[01:17:31] Speaker C: Matt, what's your hope?
[01:17:32] Speaker B: Yeah, look, I think my hope, you know, Brendan and Tracy have given us their time today and given us a really good amount of information, I think, you know, so if you're tossing it around in your head, then start looking for information, like, just. If it's something you're thinking about, then maybe take the time and just make a promise to yourself that you're going to actually pursue the information or the fact finding side of things so you have a balanced approach. If it doesn't happen, then it happens for a reason that you've decided or not just because you never got to it. That would be my hope.
[01:18:01] Speaker C: Beautiful. My hope is that everybody who hears this episode shares it with somebody else. Because I think information is powerful and the more we can get out there, I had no idea. I had zero understanding of the foster care system and how many children are in need. And I just really hope that everybody listening, whether you have the seed or not, please share this. Please get it out, because we just never know whose table this is going to come across and helps that seed grow. That's my hope.
[01:18:33] Speaker A: You're so naive. Cab welcome to the club.
[01:18:35] Speaker C: Yeah, thanks, guys. Thank you so much for joining us here today. It has been an absolute pleasure. And thank you for imparting us on so much information, too. Yeah, thanks, guys, and good luck with it.
[01:18:49] Speaker A: It's been a pleasure. And I want to say I'm a regular listener to love conquers. So also, love what you guys are doing. You guys are fantastic people and you're doing a great job with the podcast. So thanks very much for having us on. Really appreciate it.
[01:19:01] Speaker C: Thank you.
[01:19:02] Speaker B: As always, if you like what you heard, please help us get the word out there by sharing and subscribing, posting on socials. Also, do a favor for our kind friends and guests here and pop over and like and share and subscribe to the fostering together podcast as well. Brandon, you've also got some other podcasts and other podcasts that you work with.
[01:19:21] Speaker A: Yes, my leader by design podcast, relatively new. I think I've done eight episodes on that and also got cultural leadership, which is an interview style podcast interviewing leaders from all around the world. Beautiful.
[01:19:32] Speaker B: So get over and have a listen. Learn how to lead.
[01:19:34] Speaker C: Beautiful. Love it. Thanks again, guys.
[01:19:36] Speaker A: Thanks, guys.
[01:19:36] Speaker C: Take care.
[01:19:37] Speaker A: Love you. Love you. Oh, you forgot that bidding. Love you, darl. There you go. She didn't say it on microphone.
[01:19:45] Speaker D: We got it.
[01:19:45] Speaker C: We got it.
[01:19:46] Speaker B: Hey, guys, if you enjoyed the podcast, why don't you head over to caspage.com dot au where you can see other information we have to provide and also maybe pick up a copy of our book, my broken soldier. Thanks for listening. This podcast is a my broken soldier production.
